Strossful Week

I finally got around to reading Charles Stross' The Atrocity Archives, and I am kicking myself for not having read the book earlier. The book, the first in Stross' "Laundry" series, is an unholy mash-up of the spy thriller, Lovecraftian horror, and computer programming culture... a combination that could have been awful in the hands of a self-important author. Stross' obvious love of his inspirational source material is tempered by a wicked sense of humor- the book is an affectionate piss-take on the spy and horror genres.

The protagonist of the short-novel The Atrocity Archives is Robert Howard (yeah, this is a precedent setter), an IT professional for an absurdly bureaucratic branch of the English Secret Service that deals with occult threats. In the milieu that Stross creates, certain esoteric mathematical formulae can breach the walls between universes and allow "Eldritch Horrors from Beyond" into our world. Having been pressed into service after being nabbed for a potentially earth-shattering prank, Howard is now a cog in the Civil Service. The novel begins with Howard's first foray into fieldwork. After a lengthy introduction to Stross' setting, the narrative picks up speed and becomes a roller-coaster of a plot involving Islamic fundamentalist terrorists, a beautiful philosopher who knows too much, Nazi revenants, and even worse horrors. There are moments of horror- a trip to the eponymous archives to determine the nature of the threat facing the protagonist is a gruesome riff on the "Nazi Occultism" meme. Stross serves up some startling plot twists, as hunters and hunted switch roles. Throughout, there are funny allusions to other works of fiction, cartoons, and hacker culture, and a prevailing theme of the ridiculousness of office culture- the "paper clip audit" is dreaded as much as the "Soul Sucking Horrors".

The climax of the novel involves a military expedition through an interdimensional gate to a starkly hostile parallel universe- the whole makes me wish I had been sitting at the table while Charles Stross was behind the screen, rolling dice by the handful.

The book also includes a shorter coda, a novella involving another threat to the peace and sanity of the good people of Earth. While not the tour de force of The Atrocity Archives (who can top Nazi necromancers, and the things that make them look like a bunch of naughty schoolboys?), The Concrete Jungle is a tight thriller which deals with intra-agency conflict, and its unforeseen consequences.

The afterword to The Atrocity Archives is just as good as the two "stories" in the book. Stross comments on the Cold War horror fiction of Len Deighton and the early-20th Century espionage thrillers of H.P. Lovecraft (you read that right). He also goes on to note the similarity of his concept (although the execution is radically different) to that of Tim Powers' Declare (he was told not to read it until he'd finished, or his creative process would have been derailed) and to the CoC supplement Delta Green (which he claims has tempted him to pick up the dice again).

How good is this novel? It was good enough that I hot-footed it over to the local bookstore to pick up the sequel, The Jennifer Morgue, which gleefully skewers the conventions of the James Bond novels and movies. It's another delightful read, and the recognition of the tropes being skewered is a great deal of fun. For a nice introduction to Stross' Lovecraftian espionage tales, I'd recommend A Colder War, which is not really connected to his "Laundry" series, but has similar thematic elements.

Sandbox Surprise 1: Bicephalous Badlands

This post, the first in my, uh, cat scat series, is inspired by, and dedicated to, the lovely Magdalena, the two-headed tortoise who captured the hearts of millions around the world. The bicephalous eagle was inspired by the heraldic animal- I have quite a few neighbors of Albanian descent, and the double-headed eagle features prominently on bumper stickers and car window decals.

This particular micro-biome should be located in a region of "rough" area, or possibly a range of hills near a desert. The terrain is roughly suggested by the North American Badlands. All of the following should be considered open content pursuant to the guidelines of the Open Game License


Bicephalous Badlands

The terrain of this region is characterized by broken rocky terrain, cris-crossed by numerous gullies. The flora is adapted to arid conditions, with scrub brush dominant. Whether due to chaotic influence, or the lingering influence of deleterious magic, much of the vertebrate life of the region is afflicted (or blessed) with bicephaly. The region is normally shunned by humankind due to the evil reputation of the place, but occasional punitive missions are undertaken by the nomads of the surrounding lands, though most of these peoples have strict taboos against women entering the area (due to an intuitive fear that the curse hanging over the region could effect human embryos). Other human groups that may be found in the area are adventuring bands or dervish warbands on a crusade to combat the evil denizens of this land.


Random Encounter Table:

2. Giant 2-Headed Troll (1-2)
3. Eagle, 2-Headed (1-3)
4. Bicephalous Dog (2-24)
5. Ettin (1-4)
6. Bird, Flightless (rhea sized), Bicephalous (1-12)
7. Badger, Bicephalous Giant (2-5)
8. Camel, Bactrian- Bicephalous (1-12)
9. Mammal, Small- Bicephalous (typically harmless herbivorous rodents/insectivores)
10. Reptile, Small- Bicephalous (typically harmless 2-headed snakes or lizards)
11. Tortoise, Giant 2-Headed (1-3)
12. Men, Nomad (5-30)
13. Snake, Giant- Amphisbaena
14. Men, Dervish (7-28)
15. Men, Adventuring Party
16. Hydra, 6 Headed

For bicephalous versions of regular animals, merely add another bite attack, but subtract 3” movement due to motor functions being controlled by two heads (an initiative penalty might also be in order). The bicephalous tortoises are barrel-sized, inoffensive herbivores with 3 HD, movement 3”, AC 2, and an ability to bite (defensively) for 1-3/1-3 damage.


One Hex Horror: Shrine of the Ettin God.

This pilgrimage site, dedicated to the god of the ettins, is located by a low tor- it is suggested a party’s approach to this vicinity be made in a gully, so the visibility is limited. As the party rounds a bend, the gully opens up, within 500’ of the tor, and the party is greeted by a grisly sight:

Peering around the bend in the gully, you see that it widens into a desolate dale perhaps a quarter of a mile in width. Dominating the skyline at the end of the dale is a small, flat topped tor. Closer at hand is a gruesome sight- the desiccated corpse of a large humanoid is propped up by a crude cairn of fieldstone. Affixed to the right shoulder of the corpse with a wooden stake is the head of a smaller humanoid. Gazing past this grisly greeter, one can see several additional corpses, in varying states of decomposition, marred in similar manner.

These corpses are the remains of victims sacrificed to the ettin god. The tenets of the ettin religion include persecution of monocephalic creatures. To honor the ettin god, sacrificial victims are “perfected” by having second heads attached to their bodies. An examination of the corpses in the vicinity reveals that the “composite” sacrifices in the area are made from various humanoid species- humans, ogres, orcs, dwarves…

In the dale, there is a 1 in 10 chance per turn that a wandering monster may show up:

1-4. Ettin “pilgrims” (1-3) coming to the shrine to make obeisance
5. Pack of death dogs (2-8) seeking sustenance
6. Giant 2-headed trolls (1-2) on pilgrimage to shrine

At the base of the tor, there is a cave in which the ettin shaman dwells. The ceilings of the cave are approximately 15’ high in the centers of cavern areas 1., 2., and 5., and approximately 12’ in the center of the other chambers.





1. Vestibule: This area is inhabited by a pack of 14 bicephalous dogs (h.p. 17, 16, 14, 14, 13, 12, 12, 12, 10, 9, 9, 9, 8, 6) , which are considered to be sacred animals. These creatures are fiercely loyal to the shamans but will attack all others who enter the cave. During the course of combat, there is a 35% chance per round that either of the shamans will hear the combat and come to aid the dogs the following round.


2. Sanctuary: This cave is used in religious services- there is a flat, blood-stained boulder, approximately 6’ x 4’ x 3’ in the center of the cave which serves as an altar. A crude stone axe, used to decapitate captives (the ettins use clubs as melee weapons), rests alongside the altar. In a crude bag made of camel hide, is an assortment of miscellaneous objects- a tortoise shell, various animal skulls, bits of oddly shaped stone (including a chunk of lapis lazuli worth with a base value of 20 g.p.)- used to perform divinations of dubious utility. The first-level shaman (h.p. 56, spell cure light wounds) is typically in this area, performing various minor rituals and routine shrine maintenance.


3. Guardian: An amphisbaena (h.p. 34) serves to guard the adjacent holding pen. This horror was originally tamed by the senior shaman using a snake charm spell, and has subsequently become accustomed to the presence of the shamans, who feed it on a regular basis. It will attack any monocephalic foes with great ferocity. Among the various bones of small animals, there is a 150 g.p. opal.


4. Holding Pen: This area is blocked off by a large boulder which takes a strength of 20 (singly or combined) to move. Future sacrificial victims are kept in this area. Currently in the pen are a badly beaten ogre (current h.p. 7) and a dwarf who was captured while prospecting for gold (LN, level 3 fighter, average stats, h.p. 16). While these two individuals have no love for each other, they maintain an uneasy détente in the face of their common enemy.


5. Living Quarters: The two ettin shamans use this area as a dining area, and the junior shaman sleeps here. Although the ettins have a midden outside their abode, they are indifferent housekeepers, so there is a small scattering of bones (camel, human, flightless bird) around this chamber. In the pile of dirty furs that the junior shaman uses for bedding, there is an ill-used giant weasel pelt which could still fetch 150 g.p. if salvaged), and a “hoard” of 157 silver pieces.


6. Senior Shaman’s Room: The senior shaman (3rd level, fights as 11 H.D. 69 h.p., cure light wounds, cause fear, chant) resides in this alcove. He is immensely strong (+1 to damage rolls) and unrelentingly vicious. Among the furs which he uses as bedding, there is a +2 cloak of protection and a cache of 83 copper pieces, 62 silver pieces, and three gems (500 g.p garnet, 100 g.p. spinel, and a 50 g.p. bloodstone).

Nice Sandbox You've Got... Shame if Something Happened to It*

"Sandbox campaigns" and "hex crawls" being popular forms of play, I've been thinking about nasty little surprises that can be deposited in the sandbox like cat scat. Even in a "vanilla" fantasy campaign, little elements of weirdness serve to spice things up- I favor micro-biomes which are affected by extraplanar forces, or pernicious effects of bygone magical effects of great power. Dropped into a hex, these areas can perplex players and make them search for a greater underlying pattern that might not be significant.

Because of the flexible nature of "sandbox play", these items will just consist of an underlying theme and some vague characteristics, and a suggested random encounters table. At the heart of each item, I'll include a "One Hex Horror", a smaller set encounter area from which the nature of the larger "biome" can be extrapolated.


*Alternate LOLCats Title- I'M IN UR SANBOX, POOPIN' MY BRANES OUT!!!

Disaster in Japan

When I started this blog, I determined to include as little "real-world" content as possible (after all, this is about escapism), but I have to express my sorrow at the earthquake and tsunami that ravaged Japan. I have a real appreciation for Japanese culture, and an affection for the Japanese people. One of my sisters-in-law was born and raised in Tokyo, and has family still living there. I traveled to Japan for my brother's wedding several years ago, and found the Japanese people to be extremely hospitable and gracious. My heart goes out to them.

It's Cute! It's a Mutant!

It's a cutant!!!

The pattern of the plastron of this adorable monster is quite pretty, it reminds me of some sort of glyph.

Also-Ran Monsters: Exhibit A

I've been thinking about monsters from various sources that never made it into the "official" AD&D 1E material, and I figured that two monsters featured in Dragon 63 (here's a good retrospective of the issue as a whole) would make a good starting point. While the issue featured the debut of the devas, which made it into the official canon, it also featured the chagmat spider-people (I'm not being politically correct, I just don't want Stan Lee to sue) from the eponymous mini-module by Larry DiTillio, and the shoosuva, an undead servitor of the demon prince Yeenoghu.

While the chagmat, with their two-caste society (2 hit dice fighters and 1 hit die clerics, with the proviso that higher level individuals of both castes could be encountered- with no level caps given) never made it into an "official" first edition publication, they seem to have had the "serial numbers" filed off and were passed off as the chitines of 2nd Edition AD&D, complete with a non-interbreeding priestly class. In a stunning combination of 2E and Realmsian "drow overload" and "A wizard did it" excess, these spider-folk were presented as the creations of the dark elves, rather than the independent evil entities originally conceived by Signor DiTillio.

The shoosuva, a 6 hit dice undead hyenadon/ghoul mash-up, was a brilliant concept- a demonic servant which bridged the gap between ghasts and demons in the retinue of the Demon Prince of Gnolls (and patron of ghouls). The shoosuva was presented as a bound servant summoned by powerful shamans or witch doctors, and featured a powerful bite and a "creeping" paralysis special attack. How this critter failed to make the cut for an official sourcebook is hard to figure.

The two "non-official" monsters of Dragon 63 are, in my view, both more interesting that the "official" monsters presented therein. Similarly, a "non-official" Bandit class in the magazine was a more workable, better-executed class than the Barbarian class which appeared in the same magazine and received the official seal of approval.

Eros in the Dungeon

While I'm going to keep the tone of this post as clinical as possible, the subject matter may be unsuitable for the kids (who should get offa mah lawn!). Of course, I was exposed to the bulk of this material as a pre-teen... uh, KEEP OUT KIDDIES!!

This being the Solemn Feast of St. Valentine, a discussion of the topic of amatory content in gaming may be fun. While "Sex Appeal" was a "talent" in The Fantasy Trip, it wasn't really elaborated on. Having a core customer base composed mainly of adult wargamers and college students, D&D didn't shy away from "adult" content until the hobby base expanded, and the game was marketed to younger consumers, leading to such buzz-killing policies as the Code of Conduct discussed by James M.

Early on, such images of the nude on the cover of and the succubus/type V demon illustrations in the body of 1976's Eldritch Wizardry were an element of gaming literature. The cover image (painted by a woman), is more suggestive of ritualistic violence than of eroticism. While the succubus is clearly a temptress, her fellow female demon is also more of a destroyer than a seductress.

Perhaps the height of the salacious content in D&D was in the "D" section of the GDQ series of modules. The first hint of some slightly provacative content in GDQ is the depiction of Jarl Grugnir of G2 as a ham-fisted lothario, trying to force a captive storm giantess to be his "leman". The "adult" content is ramped up with the introduction of the drow in G3.

The drow, especially the "slender and shapely" females, are portrayed as creatures with extensive, though deviant, sexual appetites. Eclavdra, the "strangely attractive" evil genius behind the giants' depredations, stays in an inner sanctum decorated with tapestries of "suggestive (or lewd) nature". In D2, the devout Kuo-Toans possess a religious tract which denounces the Drow patroness as the "Mother of Lusts". In D3, the lusty nature of the drow is hammered home repeatedly in the short text of the module. The bailiff of the tower defending the cavern home of the drow "has a few lewd and erotic statuettes and tapestries decorating" his room, and the female commander of the temple guard has "several lewd statuettes" in her quarters. The high priestess of the fane has a lounge "decorated with innumerable perverted and lewd paintings, tapestries, statues, etc. Even the carpets are obscene." To amuse herself, the high priestess has a captive- "an insane human of great strength kept by Charinda for whatever purposes please her at the time. There are several whips, and torture instruments on one wall, and near them is a gag and a ring of invisibility." The clinical detatchment with which Gary Gygax describes these depravities does nothing to diminish the kinkiness.

The salacious content of 1978's D3 reaches a crescendo in the description of the City in which the bulk of the drow reside:


Beggars of all sorts are seen, and half-Drow thieves, pimps and harlots are as common as the enslaved human and elven prostitutes displayed before certain esstablishments.

****

The tiers and dungeons of Erelhei-Cinlu reek of debauchery and decadence, and the city's inhabitants are degenerate and effete. (Those with any promise and ability are brought out of the place to serve in the fighting societies, merchant clans or nobel houses. The rest are left to wallow in the sinkhole of absolute depravity which is Erelhei-Cinlu.) The most popular places in the city are the gambling dens, bordellos, taverns, drug saloons, and even less savory shops along the two main streets. The back streets and alleyways too boast of brothels, poison shops, bars, and torture parlors. Unspeakable things transpire where the evil and jaded creatures seek pleasure, pain, excitement, or arcane knowledge, and sometimes these seekers find they are victims. All visitors are warned that they enter the back streets of the city at their peril.

Clearly, the place described makes the Times Square of the late 70's/early 80's look like Disney World. The best models for the "average" drow of the city would seem to be the drug-addled, casually violent Sid and Nancy. D3 also has drug references that would never have passed muster a decade later- "There are various containers for wine and spirits scattered about, and several sorts of drugs (mushroom powder, poppy juice, lotus dust) are contained in gold and crystal dishes..."

To my knowledge, D3 represents the greatest extent of "adult" content in official D&D materials. The infamous Random Harlot Table of the Dungeon Master's Guide, while giggle-inducing to an eleven-year-old, is presented with the cool detachment of a naturalist compiling a list of finches.

As far as non-official D&D material, October 1977's The Dragon 10 has a article titled Orgies, Inc. by Jon Pickens, accompanied by a whimsical Trampier cartoon of goblins carousing with nymphs. The article suggests various means of separating PC's from their monetary gains, with the following suggestion for orgies:

Lusty indulgence in wine, women, and song. Maximum expenditure is 500 GP per level per night (250 GP if recuperating and under 50%). A player may orgy continuously for as many days as he has constitution points, but then must rest for as many days as he orgied.

Uh, what about the ladies? The default assumption of male readership may explain the presence of this article in the first place. A later issue of The Dragon (1980's issue 36) has an editorial by Larry DiTillio titled Painted Ladies and Potted Monks, in which the author decribes a gaming session in which he DM's for some teenage players who are stymied by the inclusion of a brothel/house o' hedonism in a dungeon, and goes on to discuss how issues of sexual matters, drug-use, and racial intolerance can be explored using RPGs (in the interest of full disclosure, I pretty much agree with this guy when it comes to issues of sexual identity/civil liberties.

The last bit of suggstive content I can recall in an official product is a brief aside in 1981's A2: Secret of the Slavers' Stockade, in which the utterly depraved Markessa has a bodyguard/boytoy whose exercise room features "a goose down matress for exercise sessions with Markessa." Hmmm... what's with those evil elf girls, anyway?

Of course, with the fan base for the game expanding to younger players, the suggestive content disappeared pretty quickly from the game. It was up to players to come up with the really depraved content (not gonna link that stuff, it's infamous enough as is).

Postscript: For an overview of the visual depictions of drow, James' post is invaluable. I think Willingham's illustrations are the best, with Erol Otus' D3 cover being excellent as well. In my mind, though, the best indication of what a female drow would look like is Man Ray's glorious, surreal image of Jacqueline Goddard: